How to Talk About Lost Loved Ones

From Someone Who has Lost

A Winter’s Walk (Winter Seascape Collection) - October 2025

When Jeff passed away in December, I was overwhelmed by how many people came to me and offered condolences. People who I didn’t know well, reached out to share their own stories of loss, and simply let me know that I can lean on them if I need to. It was more comforting than I could have known.

I was also, on the contrary, surprised by how many people, who I thought were close to me, who I’ve known for years, said nothing or very little. Initially, I was offended and angry; obviously the shock of losing someone so quickly brings up all sorts of emotions. Especially when losing the person whom you loved the most in this world, the person that you were going to spend the rest of your life with.

I was also agitated with people who seemed to say the wrong things like “it was his time” or “you’ll get over it”. It seemed so cold and cruel in the moment.

What I’ve come to realize almost a year later (and mind you I am still very much in the thick of grief and processing it all), is that death is strange and scary for a lot of people. I believe now that most people who didn’t say anything simply didn’t know what to say. What do you say someone who lost their 45-year-old partner to cancer within a month of being diagnosed? Whole. World. Shattered.

I would also imagine that people are afraid to ask about Jeff because they think that it will make me sad. I can’t speak for all people who have lost a spouse, but in my case, even though it does make me sad, it also makes me happy to talk about Jeff and share his story with the world. I am most comfortable around those who let me share our story with them, who ask questions, who listen, even when it’s both sad and happy at the same time.

If you are unsure of what to say or how to talk to someone who has lost so deeply, and you really care, my advice would be to ask questions about the person who has passed, share your own stories of them if you knew them, and let those closest to them share their stories. I want people to acknowledge that Jeff existed and he mattered. I want people to know how amazing he was. I want people to remember him, honor him, and know how loved he was and still is.

As I work through the grief and loss, I find myself painting dreamlike, imaginary seascapes and landscapes more so than real places. I think maybe my mind is still stuck in “what was supposed to be” or “what could have been” for the time being.

Mostly recently I am working on a collection of winter seascapes and landscapes. For those of you who love nature and love all seasons, you might agree that there is something very magical about bundling up and taking long walks in the winter. Some of our best moments were in the day-to-day stuff; the long walks, the Sunday football fundays, cooking dinner together, gardening; all of the simple things that we so often take for granted.

Most new pieces will be coming with me to the Handmade Holiday Market in Lincolnshire this month. To register, please visit HERE. Use code ARTIST25 for FREE TICKETS!

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